DR. CEMÝL PASLI

“BABANIN GÖLGESÝ” ÝYÝ BÝR ÞEY MÝ?

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“BABANIN GÖLGESÝ” ÝYÝ BÝR ÞEY MÝ?

Bazý araçlarda görüyoruz: “Babamýn gölgesi yeter” sözünü.

Peki, babanýn ya da birinin gölgesinde durmak iyi bir þey mi?

Ýnsan anne karnýnda 9 ay süresinde geliþtikten sonra dünyaya doðar.

Doðduðunda ilk iþ olarak onu 9 ay boyunca besleyen göbek baðý/kordon kesilir.

Peki, göbek baðý/kordon kesilmezse ne olur.

Anne ve bebek ikisi de zehirlenir.

Yanlýþ iliþkilerde kullanýlan “toksik/zehirleyici iliþki” buradan gelir.

Her derman ölçüyü aþarsa dert getirir.

9 ayý tamamlayýp dünyaya gelerek göbek baðý/kordonu kesilen bebek bu kez annesinin memesine baðlanmýþtýr.

En az 24 ay emerek aðýz/göz ve kalbini anneye doyuran bebek memeden de uzaklaþýr.

Anne karnýndaki karanlýk ve memenin gölgesinden çýkan bebek hýzla kendi kiþiliði ve karakterini inþa ederek ayaklarýnýn üzerinde durmaya çalýþýr.

Anne/Babanýn görevi de çocuklarýnýn kiþilik ve karakterinin inþasýnda ona gölge olmak deðil; sadece destek ve rehberlik yapmaktýr.

Allah’ýn vahidiyet içindeki zirve sýr olan ehadiyet üzere yarattýðý çocuklarýnýn özgünlüðüne/farklýlýðýna saygý, sabýr ve tahammülle yetiþmesi için gerekli bütün alt yapý ve lojistik desteði saðlamak anne/babanýn görevidir.

Çocuðun üzerine aþýrý abanýp, ona anne/baba kendi kafalarýndaki modeli dayatmalarý (kendi özgün kiþiliði de el atýnda muhafaza edeceði için) borderline kiþilik bozukluðunun sebebidir.

En iyi anne/baba ve eðitimci vereceklerini vererek kendisini en kýsa sürede “geçersiz” hale getirebilendir.

Bu anlamda çocuk için hayat yolunda anne/baba ve sýnýf öðretmeni sadece köprü olmalýdýr.

Çocuk gölgede deðil güneþte geliþir.

Gölge konfordur ve konfor çürütür.

Lütfen! Allah ile güneþ arasýna birilerini alarak –bu babanýz/anneniz de olsa- gölge etmelerine müsaade etmeyin.

Birçok býyýklý çocuðun hala kendilerini babalarýnýn gölgesine sýðýnmak zorunda hissetmelerine neden olmak bir babanýn evladýna yapacaðý en büyük kötülüktür.

O gölge bir þekilde kalktýðýnda güneþin ýþýklarýna býyýklý halleriyle yakalandýklarýnda onlar en büyük yýkýmý yaþýyorlar.

Ali Þeriati annesine bir aðaca çýkarmasýný ister.

Annesi, “kendin çýkmadýðýn yerden inemezsin evladým” der ve isteðini reddeder.

“Çocuklarýnýz sizin çocuklarýnýz deðil,

Onlar kendi yolunu izleyen Hayat'ýn oðullarý ve kýzlarý.

Sizin aracýlýðýnýzla geldiler ama sizden gelmediler

Ve sizinle birlikte olsalar da sizin deðiller.

Onlara sevginizi verebilirsiniz, düþüncelerinizi deðil.

Çünkü onlarýn da kendi düþünceleri vardýr.

Bedenlerini tutabilirsiniz, ruhlarýný deðil.” (Halil Cibran)

Çocuðun anne karnýndan baþlayýp son nefese kadar devam eden eðitim/geliþim/dönüþüm etaplarý araçlarýn otomatik vites geçiþleri gibi birinden diðerine sorunsuz bir biçimde vaktinde/zamanýnda yaþanmalýdýr.

Bu anlamda anne/baba/sýnýf öðretmeni çocuða gölge etmeden her etabý tamamlamasý konusunda ona rehberlik etmeli, desteklemeli, motive etmeli ancak; asla ve asla gölge etmemelidir.

Gölgede duranýn gölgesi olmaz.

Is Your “Father's Shadow” a Good Thing?

We see the phrase “My father’s shadow is enough” in some vehicles.

So, is it a good thing to stand in the shadow of your father or someone else?

A person is born after developing in the womb for 9 months.

The first thing they do when they are born is to cut the umbilical cord/cord that feeds them for 9 months.

So, what happens if the umbilical cord/cord is not cut?

Both the mother and the baby are poisoned.

The term “toxic/poisonous relationship” used in wrong relationships comes from here.

Every remedy brings trouble if it exceeds the limit.

The baby who completes 9 months and comes into the world and whose umbilical cord/cord is cut is now attached to the mother’s breast.

The baby who sucks for at least 24 months and satisfies his/her mouth/eyes and heart with the mother also moves away from the breast.

The baby who emerges from the darkness in the womb and the shadow of the breast quickly builds his/her own personality and character and tries to stand on his/her own feet.

The mother/father’s duty is not to be a shadow for their child in the construction of his/her personality and character; it is only to support and guide him/her. It is the duty of parents to provide all the necessary infrastructure and logistical support so that their children, whom Allah created on the basis of oneness, the pinnacle secret within unity, are raised with respect, patience and tolerance for their uniqueness/difference.

The reason for borderline personality disorder is that the mother/father over-inserts their own model on the child (since they will keep their own unique personality at their disposal).

The best mother/father and educator is the one who can give them what they can give and make them “invalid” in the shortest time.

In this sense, the mother/father and the classroom teacher should only be a bridge on the child’s path to life.

The child develops in the sun, not in the shade.

The shade is comfort, and comfort rots.

Please! Do not allow anyone to cast a shadow between Allah and the sun – even if it is your father/mother.

The greatest harm a father can do to his child is to cause many moustached children to still feel the need to take refuge in their father’s shade.

When that shadow is lifted somehow and they are caught in the sunlight with their moustaches, they experience the greatest destruction.

Ali Shariati asks his mother to take him up a tree.

His mother says, “You cannot descend from where you did not ascend yourself, my child” and rejects his request.

“Your children are not your children,

They are the sons and daughters of Life that follows its own path.

They came through you, but not from you.

And even if they are with you, they are not yours.

You can give them your love, but not your thoughts.

Because they have their own thoughts.

You can hold their bodies, but not their souls.” (Khalil Gibran)

The stages of education/development/transformation of the child, starting from the womb and continuing until the last breath, should be experienced smoothly from one to the other, on time/in time, like automatic gear shifts in vehicles.

In this sense, the mother/father/classroom teacher should guide, support and motivate the child to complete each stage without casting a shadow; however; they should never, ever cast a shadow.

He who stands in the shadow casts no shadow.